


Butter Side Down

by supercrunch



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, futuristic AU, sightly sci-fi, tumblr: makoharuficfestival
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 08:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3243803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercrunch/pseuds/supercrunch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the twenty-seventh century, and Haru is a prospector tasked with the job of finding water on the dead planet Earth. </p><p>Makoto is a toaster. </p><p>(There have been weirder love stories, probably.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Butter Side Down

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the makoharu fic festival on tumblr. 
> 
>  
> 
> _"Makoto is a robot sent on a mission to protect Haru. He was programmed to want to be with Haru. But as he develops emotions, he wonders if its the programming or his own feelings about Haru taking over the need to protect him."_
> 
>  
> 
> Needless to say, I tweaked the prompt a little bit, but, well. 
> 
> Please don't take this seriously it's literally something silly I wanted to write and include lots of puns in

 

 

Haru blinks himself awake.

He hasn’t set his alarm clock for a while now, but a glance outside his window confirms that it’s dawn, brilliant pinks and purples blazing their way across the sky and striking him with the sudden urge to snap a photograph. He takes a moment to stare at it, but doesn’t open the window. He’s not great with common sense, sure, but he’s not suicidal. The air quality outside would suffocate him.

The Earth has been virtually uninhabitable for a while now, so they’ve been confined to an artificial biosphere for as long as Haru’s been on the planet. It’s simple, nowhere near as elaborate as the biospheres on Mars. This one’s only got the basics. Plants, water, a couple of insect species; the bare necessities to keep the ecosystem going without them having to bother about it too much. The temperature is regulated to a comfortable twenty-seven degrees, humidity set as high as it can go with their limited resources. Still, the skin on Haru’s fingers tends to dry up and flake. He flexes them and frowns. He feels like a raisin. All he really wants to do is soak himself in a body water, but the only things is his bathroom are a shower, a toilet and a sink, none of which are of much help. He could hop into one of the ponds, probably, but he doesn’t think the maintenance team will be terribly happy with him messing up the wildlife.

Yawning at the new day, he stretches his arms and clambers reluctantly out of bed, still wrapped in his blanket. Outside, the sky continues to burst into flames. _You can say what you want about_ _pollution and death_ , Haru thinks, _but they make for some really spectacular sunrises._

The kitchen’s cold. He shudders and draws his blanket closer, wrapping himself like a burrito. Half a loaf of bread sits on top of the microwave. Haru considers it blearily for a second or two, and then shrugs and deposits a couple of slices into the toaster. Brewing himself tea takes longer than it should, considering it’s instant, but he manages to flop onto a stool at the miniscule kitchen counter with a plate and sip at his drink before actually dropping off back to sleep.

Something bumps at his elbow. He squints at it.

It’s the toaster, clicking its lever at him as it attempts to launch his finished toast onto his plate. One slice reaches its destination fairly safely, but the other bounces off completely and goes plummeting to the floor. The toaster beeps in alarm, skidding across the counter and almost knocking over his tea. Haru stares.

 _When did you develop wheels,_ he tries to say, but all he can manage is a flat “what”, because really, what. The toaster pauses stops spinning in circles to look at him, insofar as one can be looked at by an improbably sentient kitchen appliance with no discernible eyes, and cautiously rolls closer to jostle his fingers.

He picks it up, turns it over, and sighs. Someone, probably Nagisa, has installed caterpillar tracks onto the bottom of the toaster, making it look like a miniature tank. Why he may have decided Haru would ever need portable toast is a question he can’t answer, but Nagisa has tinkered with his things in the past, and this improvement is a comparatively mild one. The toaster’s always been a bit special, anyway; it’s fairly excitable and seems to like company, although Haru’s not entirely sure how he can tell since it’s not like the thing has a face. He has the distinct impression that Nagisa has something to do with its eccentricity. Nobody else he knows would install an AI chip into a toaster, which is what he suspects must have happened.

He hears the front door open clearly, because his living quarters are otherwise silent. The only people who’d come in without knocking are Rin and Nagisa. The voice calling his name is somewhat deep, so he calls out, “Here, Rin,” and hopes the other man can be trusted to find his way to the kitchen without making a mess of his study.

A shock of red hair pops through the doorway. Rin’s eyes travel from Haru to the toaster in his hands, and then he grins. “So, is it a boy or a girl?”

Haru rolls his eyes and sets it down. “It’s a toaster.”

“Yes, but is it a _girl toaster_ or a _boy toaster_?”

Haru doesn’t bother answering. Uninvited, Rin’s bipedal Rottweiler shuffles into the kitchen, ducking his head slightly to avoid the doorframe. Haru rolls his eyes. “You’re not _that_ tall.”

Sousuke sneers at him good-naturedly. His already imposing frame looks especially bulky squeezed in Haru’s kitchen with two other people, but Haru has no trouble smacking Sousuke’s marauding hands away from his lone piece of toast. They make faces at each other until Rin pushes past and settles on the other stool at the counter. The toaster clicks its lever at him in greeting and rolls over to say hello.

Rin pats it. “Hey, Toastburner. Haru treating you well? He didn’t try to put fish in you, did he?”

Haru scowls. “That happened once. Are you here to sweet-talk my things or did you want something?”

“Haru’s a grumpy fuck in the morning, isn’t he, Toastie?” Rin coos, ignoring the way Sousuke takes the opportunity to rest his chin on the crown of Rin’s head. “He even forgot we’re supposed to be out exploring today! After me and Sousuke took the trouble to come all the way here to remind him, too. He’s so mean.”

Clicking his tongue in annoyance, Haru butters his toast with a bit more force than necessary and takes a savage bite. “I hate exploring.”

“No, you don’t. Besides, today might be our lucky day!”

“We’ve been at this for months and we’ve found nothing,” Haru says, putting his breakfast down and rising to get more tea. “This is all a huge pain.”

“Don’t be like that,” Rin laughs like Haru’s said something funny. “Who knows, maybe soon we’ll find _water_.”

Haru pauses. “There hasn’t been any water on Earth for centuries.”

“There hasn’t been any water on Earth’s _surface_ for centuries,” Rin corrects him. “There could still be some hiding somewhere underground. All we have to do is dig.”

Resuming his seat, Haru pretends not to notice that there’s a large bite missing from him toast. “There’s water on Mars. What’s the point in even being here, I’d like to know.”

“Why did you sign up for this job, then?” Rolling his eyes, Sousuke reaches around Rin to tip the toaster sideways. Its tracks rotate madly in the air, trying (ineffectually) to right itself.

Rin smacks him. “Don’t bully Toastburner,” he scolds and sets the poor thing upright. “You know the water on Mars is artificially bonded. It’s not sustainable so we have to find a new source. Anyway, I’ve seen you looking at old pictures of the sea on the internet. You want to see the Earth covered in water like it used to be, right?”

“No.”

“Liar. You want to swim.”

“No.”

“The hell you don’t.”

“The only good thing about water is that I’ll be able to drown you in it,” Haru says maliciously under his breath.

Rin hears him anyway. “If you want to drown me, you’ll need to go put some pants on.”

Haru goes. It doesn’t much matter what he decides to wear today, since there’s going to be a full-body survival suit on him once he leaves the biosphere, but wearing sweatpants next to Rin’s stupidly elaborate designer brands tends to make him feel like a hobo. Then again, his clothes might be offset by Sousuke, who seems to think it’s acceptable to look like he’s just rolled out of bed a week ago. Haru grumbles and settles for a set of compression tights instead, so he can at least argue for functionality when Rin inevitably wrinkles his nose at them. His t-shirt is clean, which will have to do, and he’s already put in too much effort to worry about the fact that his socks don’t match.

His breakfast is completely gone by the time he gets back, and Sousuke refuses to meet his eye. Haru clears his throat. Rin looks up from attempting to tickle the toaster and scoffs.

“You look like you’re about to break into ballet.”

“They’re comfortable,” says Haru snippily, smacking Rin and Sousuke in the sides to herd them both out the door. “You wanted to go exploring, didn’t you? I have pants on. Let’s go.”

Sousuke leans his weight against Haru just to be annoying, making Haru grunt and shove harder at his back. Rin waves goodbye to the toaster and reaches the front door in a few long strides. “Nagisa says we can move on to a new sector today. I think we’re finally gonna get lucky.”

“My idea of lucky is pork _katsu_ for lunch,” says Sousuke mildly as Haru swipes his keycard against the lock behind them.

“That’s why you’re roughly the size of a whale,” says Haru.

“I could bench press you,” says Sousuke.

“Your sexual tension is suffocating me,” says Rin, hooking his arms around them both and propelling them down the corridor.

Haru wriggles against him. “This tension isn’t sexual. We all know Yamazaki’s crush isn’t on _me_.”

Sousuke pinches him. Haru gives in to impulse and pinches him back.

The walk to the excavation site is uninspiring; sterile white corridors spiral into rooms full of computers and fiddly machinery that Haru would rather not bother with. Passing the nature centre is slightly more pleasant. Even though it’s highly regulated and contained in a greenhouse half the size of the biosphere, it’s nice to see some colour. The lake (more of a glorified puddle) sparkles under the soft ceiling lights. Haru would run through the vegetation and dive in if he didn’t already know he’d come out covered in caterpillars. Momo is, after all, slightly too enthusiastic about his insects.

Rin chatters incessantly until they reach the sliding metal doors to the annex. The scanner beeps as it registers Haru’s ID, and the doors open for them with a soft _woosh_. Rin interrupts himself to call out a greeting to the room at large. All three brace themselves for the inevitable one-man stampede.

This time Momo chooses Sousuke. Admirably, he barely flinches when Momo barrels into him, standing still to allow the other (not very light) man to clamber onto his back. “Bugs! _”_ he calls into Sousuke’s ear.

Rin pats his leg. “If we find any bugs, we’ll bring them back for you.”

Nagisa, because he is profoundly immoral, chooses to latch casually on to Sousuke’s front even though Sousuke visibly struggles to stay upright under the weight of a second adult male. He seems to have forgotten his lab coat, but his bedhead is artistically styled. He beams at them. “Guys, guess what? Rei and I upgraded your suits!”

“I upgraded them,” Rei calls from his computer. “Nagisa tried to paint your helmets pink.”

The annex is slightly messier than normal, which may be Momo’s fault. Computers line one wall, and lockers line the other. Haru’s wishes there were something less utilitarian about the design, but it’s hard to deny that the metal grating and concrete walls aren’t useful against the heat and sandstorms of the outside. Their survival suits hang by Rei’s station. They look the same as they usually do, although one of the helmets is indeed pink.

Kou waves at them from her station. Rin abandons Haru and Sousuke to tug on the ends of his younger sister’s hair.

“We’ve enhanced the durability of your uniforms,” Rei says, standing up to greet them. “I notice you tend to have some trouble lifting larger pieces of rock. I’ve built in a mini-exoskeleton that should help your arms and legs support weight. These are only prototypes, of course, but testing so far has been successful. This will be the first official attempt to seriously use them. Also, we’ve replaced your visors so they’re entirely scratch resistant.”

Haru takes the helmet that’s handed to him (not, thankfully, the pink one, because it’s quite frankly an offensive shade). It feels slightly heavier, but the extra weight is comforting. Struggling to move with two people hanging off him, Sousuke is nevertheless quick to take the other black helmet. He ignores the eraser Rin throws at him in retaliation.

“Feels good,” says Haru, slipping the helmet over his head and trying the strap.

Rei’s chest puffs up slightly. “Thank you. It took a lot of hard work, and I took into account the aesthetic effect this would have as well. If you’d like I can show you the paper versions of my design-”

“We put more stuff in Sou’s survival pack!” Nagisa cuts in, running off to dig through the supply cabinet. “You could live out there for like, three weeks if you wanted to.”

“It’s just a precaution,” Rei says, slightly put-out. “On the off-chance we lose your signal. Very unlikely to happen.”

Rin removes himself from his sister’s person to grimace at his helmet up-close. “Couldn’t you have chosen red?”

“A long time ago, pink used to be a manly colour,” says Nagisa seriously.

Haru rolls his eyes and reaches for his uniform. “Less talking. I want to get this over with.”

Shaking off Momo, the other two comply. Haru’s and Rin’s outfits match completely, lightweight and durable so they can spend long hours protected from the UV rays that beat down mercilessly through the paper-thin atmosphere. Sousuke’s is more substantial, designed to withstand almost anything so he can protect the other two from danger. There hasn’t actually _been_ any danger, since there’s no life on Earth save for them, but in they’ve had cave-ins in the past. Their team probably wouldn’t have survived this long if Sousuke’s reflexes hadn’t consistently been quick enough to take most of the damage.

“Sound check,” Kou says into the microphone installed in her desk.

Her voice is clear through Haru’s earpiece. Sousuke and Rin flash her a thumbs up. She turns to check her monitors. Three of them are perfect feeds from the cameras fixed to the tops of their helmets.

Momo bounces over to wrap an arm around Nagisa. “Bring me back bugs!”

“For the last time, there are no bugs on Earth,” Rei says irritably. “You’re not even supposed to be here. Go play in the nature centre.”

“But my cicadas aren’t due to hatch till _tomorrow,_ ” Momo whines.

Rei huffs. The doors to the connection chambers whirr as they open, the sound of the perpetual wind outside almost deafening as it reverberates around the room. “Do you have your equipment?”

Rin salutes. “All clear.”

“Alright.” Rei’s hand hovers over the big green button that will release them from the safety of the biosphere. “Good luck, gentlemen!”

Haru doesn’t turn to see if his team follows him into the chamber, adjusting his helmet one last time as the doors shut behind him. There’s only one set of doors left, now, that’ll lead them into the outside world. He takes a deep breath, reassured by the weight of the oxygen tank on his back. He straightens his posture and waits.

Rin smacks him on the back. “Today is our day, guys.”

On Haru’s other side, Sousuke rolls his shoulders. “Let’s get exploring.”

The final doors open. The blinding light of the sun comes as a shock, as does the tearing wind that threatens to blow Haru’s helmet off. Lowering his center of gravity the way he was trained to, he steps out into the storm and frowns.

“This trip had better be worth it.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry


End file.
